


Newsies Dump

by SpicyTomatoSauce



Category: Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Gen, Newsies dump, Nothing really makes sense, headcanons, literally trash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-22
Updated: 2019-11-22
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:14:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21523549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpicyTomatoSauce/pseuds/SpicyTomatoSauce
Summary: Random things that come to my head about Newsies.
Relationships: Crutchie/Jack Kelly, David Jacobs/Jack Kelly, Jack Kelly/Katherine Plumber, Kid Blink/Mush Meyers, Romeo/Specs (Newsies), Spot Conlon/Racetrack Higgins
Comments: 3
Kudos: 25





	Newsies Dump

The Newsies as things my colorguard has said!  
\----

Romeo: Roses are red, violets are blue, yet you're like a weed. No one loves you.

\----

Race: Interspecies relationship! We stan!

Specs: That's called beastiality and we don't like that.  
\----  
Spot: THEY HURT LIKE SATAN'S LEFT TOE!  
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Race: Jack, accept the hand hickey.  
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Jack (while watching The Wizard of Oz): I've cracked the code! Dorothy's a prostitute!  
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Albert: I have the patience of a horny seagull.  
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Race: My ass is like a sock full of applesauce.  
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Elmer, at church: I have God's phone number.  
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Albert: Ooh, a pentagram! Put me in the middle, I'm a ginger!  
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Race, pretending to die: Get paid...get laid...Gatorade...  
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Spot: They look like gross, fleshy Lincoln Logs.  
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Romeo: Sandals are just lingerie for the toes!  
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Davey: I am nothing and life is meaningless. I'm like mayonnaise with a soul. I'm sentient mayonnaise.  
\----

Les: I am a rat-fish baby.  
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Jack, still watching The Wizard of Oz and talking about how Dorothy is a prostitute: I mean, look at those heels! No wonder the Scarecrow was so excited to see her!  
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Race: THE ONLY REASON I WANT TO GO TO NEW YORK IS TO SEE THE COLGATE TOOTHPASTE FACTORY!  
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Mush, to Kid Blink: You're my favorite side-ho.  
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Jack after the strike: I have the energy of a decaying rat.  
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Romeo: Okay, hear me out; I just need your pants.  
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Race, whacking two rocks together: ASMR.

Jack: That's not ASMR, it's rock porn.  
\----

Jack, trying to pick Les up: You get the feet, I'll get the nostrils.  
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Elmer, still at church: No one has a six pack like Jesus.  
\----

Crutchie: HENCE THE NAME, MANTIS SHRIMP!  
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Jack, still watching the Wizard of Oz: I mean, when you put a prostitute in a blanket--a-wrap-a-hoe.  
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Race: It's strippin' time!

Jack: Oh, I heard 'it's chicken time.'  
\----

Davey and Specs: This is a Newton's Cradle.

Race: Dang, Newton must've been one weird lookin' baby.  
\----

Race, talking to the littles: The deoderant of excuses is cold hard cash. Yes, you may quote me on that.  
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Spot: Race has three arms and can sprout more as he pleases. (That quote actually isn't changed at all, we were talking about Race from Newsies.)  
\----

Jack: It's illegal to die!

Race, holding a finger gun to his head: WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, SHOOT ME?!  
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Elmer, still at church: Reach up and stroke God's beard.  
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Katherine, doing her best to fit in: If you throw a stick of butter, it's a butterfly.  
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Elmer, leaving church: Can I be strapped to the roof of the car like a Christmas tree?  
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Race: Italian exhale--*wheeze*  
\----

Les: I be-ith the fourth grader!

Davey: ?? Wtf??  
\----

Elmer, doing the Pledge of Allegiance: Psych! I was actually grabbing my shoulder! Pledging my allegiance to freaking Czechoslovakia or something!

Literally everyone, banding together to ward off homophobes: MAY THE POWER OF GAYNESS COMPEL YOU!


End file.
